I bet he comes in French.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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