Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
