My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
