I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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