You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
