Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
