i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
