What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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