I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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