I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
