DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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