I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
