He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
