Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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