I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
