Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
