Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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