her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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