I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
