I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
