I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
