I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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