just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
