I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
