Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
