I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
