god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
