They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
