I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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