i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
