she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to sanitize my soul.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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