did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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