I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
