I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
