You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
