where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
