we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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