You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
