I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
