yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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