Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
