i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
