guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk is a universal language darling
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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