My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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