Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
