Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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