I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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