your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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