i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
