how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
